Hospitals are not fun

So my "week" in the hospital turned into three months. While I was having surgery for my gallbladder, I ended up with a blood clot. This caused all sorts of complications. During this time, you went to go live with your Grammy and Grandpop so that you didn't have to hang out in the hospital with me all the time.

 

It was so hard, being separated from you was terrible. I had spent my whole life without you and then I couldn't imagine a day without seeing your face, yet there I was, in a hospital bed alone, no baby to cuddle.

 

After I got out of the hospital it was hard to take care of you. I wanted to breastfeed again, and I was terrified of dying. My blood clot was in the "Safest spot to have one" but it was really hard to sleep and do things. You were getting bigger and they didn't want me lifting heavy things, so we had to improvise. I started wearing you in a sling to keep pressure off my arm. You loved it. We'd go everywhere and do everything in that sling.

 

By the time you were a year old, you were an expert at getting into the sling and you'd snuggle right in like you were born there. We started breastfeeding again and things were really fun.

 

I started back to work shortly before you turned one. I would work late nights and your daddy would work daytime so that someone was with you all of the time.

 

Around this time you started walking and climbing and talking up a storm. Your favorite things to do were to play in your excersaucer and go hiking with mommy and daddy.

 

Difficulty

I started feeling "off" in December. For no reason my back would ache, but I attributed it to changing hormones and new baby stress. You were sleeping through the night, and your dad was back at work, but for the most part, you weren't an interruption to our lives. You fit right into the routines and we spent hours playing with you and bathing you and enjoying being your parents.

Nursing was going well you were definitely growing and such a strong little girl. In January, I started to feel really sick. I told your Daddy that I thought you might need help throughout the day because I was probably going to be in bed sick. He left for work telling me to call him if I needed him to come home and I took you to bed with me to try to get some rest.

At 11am I took a shower and fed you, changed your diaper and moved out to the couch. My back hurt so bad I decided to go to bed again. I called your dad because you didn't want to go to sleep so you kept kicking the covers off and fussing. He said he'd be home in half an hour. I propped a bunch of pillows around you and headed to the bathroom.

I was drawing up a bath when I heard your Dad come in. He checked on you and then joined me in the bathroom. One look at my face and he said I needed to get to the doctor, but I insisted I would be fine. I got in the bath and tried to relax.

That's when the nausea hit. It was so bad I couldn't get out of the tub, then I was crawling on the bathroom floor begging your Dad not to leave. He called 911 and they sent an ambulance for me right away. He put you in your classic pooh snowsuit and followed me to the hospital.

I had really bad gallstones and had to have surgery to get rid of them. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to feed you, and the doctor delivered the news that I would be in the hospital for at least a week. I was in and out of sleeping and vomiting, so your dad decided it would be better to take you home for the night.

Life with Baby

When we got you home from the hospital you were such a joy. I'm sure every parent feels like they have to say that about their babies, but you truly were. In fact, I think secretly I'm scared to have another child because I'm afraid it won't be as good as it was with you. From the time you got home, you were content with yourself. You never required a lot of entertainment, although you got attached to nursing very quickly and decided that nursing all day was the latest rage, and you were full of laughter.

The first night home, I put you in the cradle that I had so lovingly placed by my bed. You were so pretty laying there and I couldn't believe I was the mother of a daughter. I settled into bed and closed my eyes. Five minutes later I was checking to be sure you were still breathing. You were. I settled down again. Five minutes later I was positive you had stopped breathing. You were still breathing. Your dad asked me what was up, and I said "I keep thinking she stopped breathing" he said you were fine and turned over to sleep. I tried putting my hand on your chest but then I pulled the side of the cradle down and you were starting to fidget. I dozed off and woke up with a start...of course, sure you weren't breathing.

Finally, I'd had enough. I took you out of the cradle and brought you into bed next to me and we both went fast asleep. During the night, you woke up one time to nurse 8 hrs after I had brought you to bed. It was official. Your first night home and you had slept through the night. It was also official that we weren't going to be using that cradle anytime soon.

For the next four years, you would sleep in our bed, right where we wanted you.